Saturday, July 9, 2011

In defense of...why I only have 8 friends

I can count my friends on 2 hands.
And this…is why

I don’t want to knock my generation or my gender by saying this…
Well, obviously I kinda do.
But I’ve been thinking for a while that there is a pretty quality list of reasons why I only made and kept a handful of girlfriends in college. Like, I only have 8 of them at the most.
And that’s stretching it across all the states of the US of A people.
Why you might ask?
Girls are too needy.
Needy leads to emotional.
Emotional leads to drama.
Drama leads to being catty and petty.
And so on and so on…….
AND - - - - - - -
Girls also get SO obsessed with boys at such a young age and that just leads to full blown whore-hood by age 20.
Not my jam.
I could probably end this now because those are 2 reasons enough to stay clear of most girls, right?
But humor me.
So by the time you get to college your peer-group is full of train-wrecks.
To delve further…these girls are also split into 2 groups…overly cocky and self absorbed or depressingly insecure and self absorbed.
And neither group is a barrel of sunshine.
Therefore, If I had to guess, I would say the percentage of normal, emotionally stable girls with a smidge of confidence, morals, and decency in the 18-22 age group at any given time is about 3%.
And I suppose while meeting people and making friends in college I could have just looked past the traits of the majority of girls out there and chosen to be friends anyway, if only just to have a big group of betches to hang out with on the weekends.
But I said…NAY!
And here is why:
Listening to “Jess” justify why her 34 hook-ups with guys in the same pledge class of the oh so popular douchey-and-questionably-gay-but-have-a-lot-of-money fraternity is completely legitimate and will totally score her a date to the fall formal in Hilton Head and then segwaying into why “Lizzie” is so embarrassing because she got blackout on 5 shots of KG last night and basically begged “Colin” to take her to formal but everyone knows she’s been eating way too much sorority house food to be seen in a bikini so he’ll never take her…is quite possibly the most horrible 5 minutes of anyone’s life.
That…….or listening to and watching hundreds of girls pretend to be Mary Kate & Ashley or other generic “hippie-esque” celebrities. Either is quite literally torture a la 2011.
And clearly I could have just zoned out.
I could have attentively listened and then said a prayer after.every.single.conversation.
I could have succumbed to peer pressure and joined in.
I could have been a better person and given her advice or steered her in a better direction.
I could have changed the subject.
You get the point.
I had other options. I know that.
But it wasn’t worth the dedication. It wasn’t worth having to claim these girls as my friends just to have a bigger number of friends. It wasn’t worth wanting to bang my head against the wall.
It wasn’t worth it in college when I was busy developing friendships with my now best friends and it’s not worth it now when I’m a year out of college and still plan on making friends throughout my adult life. (I hope!?)
Just because it’s not formal season anymore and “Jess” is now “Jessica” and works in “PR” for the local bowling alley…doesn’t mean she’s changed.
She’s still an insufferable disaster of a female.
So my dear readers, I stick to my main wolfpack and carry on with my head held high, keeping an eye out for those other rare jems that might be a quality addition to the pack.
I can say with full confidence and pride that my friends are intelligent, unique, interesting, entertaining, clever, caring, beautiful girls…and they all seem to have some sort of morals.
((((OMGZ, JK gurlz))))
In all seriousness, I’d take 8 of them standing by me through thick and thin and adding something meaningful to my life ANY DAY over dozens of girls who are an embarrassment to our gender but make me look “supa cool" when I roll 20 deep.
Not me.
Not this girl.
8 is great.
The end.


  1. I totally and completely agree with this post! Girls are awful sometimes.