I think a lot of bloggers do this thing where they write letters on Fridays.
But I'm not really a blogger.
So I'm writing some
letters memos post-it-note-sized-thoughts to some important people on a Tuesday at 1:29 am.
Can you say rebel?
Dear Sean Lowe (The Bachelor), You make my Monday nights go 'round you big aryan hunk o' beef. The way you shamelessly flaunt those abs like your middle name is The Situation. The way you awkwardly almost laugh your way into every sentence. The way you squeeze yourself into those Old Navy waldo-worthy board shorts circa 1997 for a little hot tub action. You sir are reality tv gold and I cannot get enough. Thank you Sean's parents and thank you ABC.
In all seriousness I adore him and hope he finds love on the show. But...nobody's watching for that anymore.
Dear new year's resolution-ers, I applaud you. Seriously. You have the spirit of a unicorn and I find you amazing and inspiring. You really believe that 2013 is the year you'll shed that baby weight that's been sticking around for a few decades. You're powering it out on the eliptical machine at a whopping level 3 for 45 minutes twice a week! You've completely cut out Twizzlers and Sunny D...probably even (gasp!) Hot Pockets. However...we all know you're full of s**t. By March you'll be catching up on your DVR elbow deep in a bag of Hot Fries. So why dont you just cut your losses, cancel your gym membership, and take that $25 straight to Target for some Spanx instead. It's too hot in there with all you people milling around and I need my space when spastically kickboxing and burpee-ing my face off in class. Please?
Dear Economy, By now you know you're on my s**t list. I graduated in 2010 and I'm not even famous or a millionaire yet.
You're getting on my last nerve. Shape up or shut up. I didn't really expect to get laid off twice before I turned 25. And it's fine. Because I've convinced my self that I'm a badass and that this is just funemployment that I'll fondly look back on and laugh one day (ha-mother-freaking-ha-ha). But time is running out. Homegirl needs to pay some bills. So please...be a doll and cough up a job or seven for me by next month.
Dear bloggers all ova da worrrrrld, Yall make Facebook look like such a dweeb. I can't believe I used to spend so much time on there creeping on people I kinda know. Stalking you people is supremely more entertaining and addicting. Your jokes, your selfies, your DIY projects, your incredible life stories that make me
feel like a loser get off the couch and at least think about doing something, your style, your tips, your product reviews, your makeup tutorials, your vlogs, and most of all...your giveaways. Thank you blog to the gerz. You really are the best and I have so much fun reading! Wanna be friends?