Tuesday, April 19, 2011

but where is the popcorn? why is it gone?

So since I've been scrounging for money lately I've been doing a weeeee bit of child rearing.
Okay, not really.
I'm not actually "child rearing" as in raising any children.
Or rearing any children.
Which sounds a lot like kicking them.
But I am a little closer to doing that.
Just kidding.
I'm just babysitting a lot.
And so today's story is about the under 9 crowd.
It's about to get wild up in this blog.
So hold onto your macbooks.

Top 10 Questions Children Ask Me
1) Why?
2) But Mommy lets me so can't you let me? 
(okay, just because Mommy lets you stand there while she pees or jump on her nicely made bed or go through her purse or get out every boardgame and switch all the pieces doesn't mean I will. Believe me, Mommy only lets you because sometimes Mommy wants you to shut up.)
3) Can we/you do it again?
(Probably not. After the 16th time I let you jump on my back from your bunk bed and realized you were simultaneously drooling on my hair I decided this game was not only humiliating but also ov-er. Please follow me to the couch where we will watch a Disney movie in its entirety. Thank you)
4) Why?
(I usually answer this one about 5 to 10 times with sweet appropriate responses until I just have to say...BECAUSE!..and then I realize how glad I am that I don't have children yet)
5) Is enter favorite television show on tv right now? How about now? Why isn't it on? Will it be on next? Is it recorded? Why isn't it recorded? etc. etc. etc.
(Umm just because it's 2011 and you are smarter than me with electronics and you totally comprehend and know the meaning of DVR at age 2 doesn't mean that every television show Nick Jr. ever coughed up is ready to be fired up at your demand. Can we say mini diva? Also, the fact that you have DVR and I don't just makes me want to puke. Go use your imagination already.)
6) Please? (yes, this can be a question)
(This one requires a lot of apologetic "No's" because the kid is usually under the impression that saying please means automatic/immediate acquisition of what they want. ha! Sorry babers, you should learn now that life isn't that easy.)
7) Where is my enter favorite toy that is COMPLETELY lost?
(Do I look like I live here? This toy is probably in the car, at grandma's, at school, or in the trash. And of course, the kid hasn't thought about it for weeks and chooses until right now to ask where it is. Sometimes I have to ask...why me??)
8) Why?
(And occasionally my response to this is....Why not? Why are you blonde? Why is the sky blue? Why are you still awake? Why am I here? Why don't you come with instructions? Why why why?)
9) Can I do it myself? (usually something they are completely incompetent of doing themselves)
(I know I know, I have to let them try. But sometimes when I've let the munchkin attempt to stab the pea with the fork 43 times...I have to intervene. They inevitably scream. But I usually bribe them with tv or junk food)
10) Do you have games on your phone?
(NO! "Please" don't rub it in...okay? Plus, do you really think if this phone was smart enough to have games on it that I would risk letting you use it? Nada little one. Nada)

I have to say, babysitting really doesn't irk me that bad. 
The kids I sit for are really hilarious and I have a lot of fun with them. 
But kiddos in general are crazy and I swear I don't know how my sister or these stay-at-home Mamas hang out with them all day every day.

May God bless them all.

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